I'm a Homeschooling Mom, and I'm Choosing to be Selfish

I've been a homeschooling mom for four years now, and I'm pretty convinced that people believe that makes me selfless and amazing and all-consumed with my children all at once.  And I won't lie, I'm the first person to tell another homeschool momma that she totally rocks, because frankly, being around your kids all day every day CAN lead to some rough days and it takes a lot of patience.  AND, it's true that there is a lot of selflessness in homeschooling-giving up any free time you might have had while the kids are at school in favor of schooling them yourself and having your little ducklings tagging along everywhere you go.  It has its hard days.  But the good days far outweigh them.

I have four children.  I've spent 36 months worth of carrying and growing humans inside of my body.  I've spent an additional 62 months nourishing and nursing and keeping small humans alive through the use of my body (check it-that's 8.2 YEARS of humans relying on me to keep them alive and my body not being my own).  Having a baby is an incredibly selfless act.  It's hard.  You have no space.  You get "touched out" from having little people all over you all day. But it's also rewarding and such a blessing.

A few months ago, I decided that with children no longer growing inside of me, being nourished by me, or even needing diapers changed by me, that I was going to be selfish.  I was going to do something for ME.  I was going to invest in them by investing in myself first.  That I was going to give them happier mom by feeding MY soul, and not just focusing on theirs.  I fell in love with a mixed martial arts program, and I also do fitness classes at the same place, and Brazillian Jiu Jitsu classes once or twice a week, too.  I actually do a lot of classes each week now...all with my kids in tow.  They are often there for 2 hours a day with me and another hour for their classes. They generally hang out on the bleachers next to the mats, and depending on the time of day, they'll do their independent school work, a craft that I packed for them to do, eat their lunch, or watch a show/play games on an iPad. The big girls help with Levi (3), and they really do an amazing job all hanging out together.

My friend Erin and I at our belt test! NEVER thought I'd be doing this as an adult! 

But you know what?  I felt guilty at first.  I felt like I was taking away their time (probably because the past few years have seemingly been all about them anyway).  I felt like even an hour a day was far too much time for me to give to myself and let my kids be "bored" or watch a show.  But the more I stuck to it, the more I discovered how much better of a mom I was to them.  I was happier, healthier, and had new goals for myself to achieve.  And the funny thing about this is that my five year old suddenly had a strong boost in his work ethic at martial arts.   Suddenly he wanted to get to karate early.  He had a million questions about how he can do things better.  My dedication to my health had a direct impact on my child.  It wasn't like at the "boring" gym where I'd drop them off at the childcare, do my work out in peace, and then pick them up.  Here, they actually see me work hard.  And it's making a difference in their perception of work ethic and who their mom really is as a person.

Belt Test #1: Me, Coach Darien (this guy's amazing), and my inspired little 5 year old ninja

It's not always easy.  There are days that they are difficult or make poor decisions, and there are always times when I need to jump out of my class to take my 3 year old to the bathroom.  I have to be flexible to help them, correct their behavior, or be there if they need me.  But for the most part, they enjoy hanging out together and having their own "down time" to just chill and watch a show or get ahead on the day's school work.  They enjoy sitting with other friends and talking or playing games.  Not having me to entertain them has been really good for them.

So, yes, I'm being selfish.
No, I won't stop anytime soon.
Yes, my children are well loved and cared for.
No, our family life doesn't need to revolve solely around them.

My kids' health is important...so is mine.  I'm happy to show my kids that I care about my health in the same way that I encourage them to care about their own health.  I'm leading by example.

Belt Test #1: I'm still a baby in this world, but I'm a baby with an orange belt...so there's that.

So for any other moms feeling guilty about taking time for YOU to feed YOUR own soul, (in whatever way that may look)...go for it.  Figure out something that you love and refreshes you, and DO IT.  Your kids will learn valuable lessons, and you will likely be a happier momma when you are caring for yourself as a priority instead of an afterthought.  Homeschooling moms-your whole day doesn't have to be about the children.  Real life is never only about ourselves anyway.  Teach them to value caring for themselves and encouraging others to do the same.  It's so worth it.


Side Note: My husband has always been good at this.  And I secretly was always bothered at him for being so "selfish" since I didn't prioritize myself like he did.  Now, I get it.  I totally get it.  And I'm so glad for his sake that he figured it out long ago.  Dad's need time for themselves, too.  I should've followed his lead sooner!

The Year of YES, Getting Over Myself, and Letting Go of My Fears

Photo from Edible Reno/Tahoe Magazine

This last year and a half have been interesting for me.  I really felt like God has consistently been telling me to say, "yes" to opportunities that come my way.  Which sounds fine and dandy when said just like that, but the reality of it can be very difficult.

I know that SO often I hear other moms tell me that it seems like I "can do it all" or that I "have it all together."  But the reality of it is that I don't and I'm not.  I have fears and insecurities just like anyone.  BUT, I have been working really hard at overcoming those fears to open myself up to new things.

So this post is for those of you who also feel like you can't do it all, or that you don't have the right skills, or that you can't do that one thing that you really do want to try, or that it feels like others can do things naturally that you can't.  Here is a snippet of my last year or so, full of fun events and experiences, and my thoughts through the process of each.  I hope that inspires you to push through and try new things.  Because I promise you, in each of these photos, I was pretty dang afraid and insecure for a variety of reasons....and yet, I am SO glad I did each one!

I have found that the perceptions I've developed of myself can sometimes get in the way of trying new things.  I found myself regularly doubting that I wasn't "legit" enough to say yes to the opportunities that passed my way.  I found that the notion that there must be others out there who are better than I at xxx almost kept me from joining in on some of the amazing experiences I have had. So, reluctantly, I said yes to some really great experiences this last year.

Being a blogger means that sometimes people steal my stuff.  While many people ask before using a picture or idea off my site (like when PBS republished my Adding Fun activity on their site), some people do not.  I have time and time again found myself writing to other bloggers and sites, requesting that they properly credit and backlink to my site or remove my photo altogether.  One time, someone submitted my Adding Fun activity picture to a math contest in the UK, and guess what...they WON!   And yet, it was a stolen picture from my blog.  And most recently, a large, for profit site stole one of my pictures and used it over and over.  This was my first experience with writing a Cease and Desist.

Panel for the discussion on the Ethical Use of Intellectual Property

So when a fellow, local blogger heard some of these stories, she asked if I would speak on a panel regarding the Ethical Use of Intellectual Property.  To which I thought, "Uhhh....there MUST be others who know more about this than me!"  But I said yes, and although I'm pretty sure I babbled out my first response on the panel due to being SO nervous, I did it, found it was really fun, and heard some great feedback from many of the attendees who said they learned something new from ME.  All because I said yes.  All because I didn't let the fear of not being good enough stop me.  All because I chose to have confidence in myself and share the knowledge that I did have on the subject.

Photo from Edible Reno/Tahoe Magazine

Fast forward a month or two from that, another blogging connection landed me in our local Edible Reno Tahoe Magazine.  And yet through most of the process, I found that I felt like a fraud.  That I shouldn't be representing chicken keepers because I only have four chickens.  That I shouldn't be representing gardening because my garden was still smaller than I wanted it to be.  That there must certainly be someone out there who was better, knew more about fermentation, looked better for the camera, had a nicer house, and on and on....  And yet, I did it.  I pushed through my feelings of inadequacy and proudly shared the things I did know, even if I don't know it all.

Photo of my Levi from Edible Reno/Tahoe Magazine

Especially unique about this particular experience is that my kids were right by my side for the interview and photographs in our home.  I got to show my kids that this is something they could also do! 

Speaking on Mornings on Fox 11

Several times throughout the last year or so, I have been invited to come on the morning news.  The first time, I swear, I thought I was going to have a heart attack while driving to the studio.  My chest hurt SO badly because of my nerves.  I had NO idea what I had gotten myself into.  And, even though it got significantly better each time, I do still get nervous each time I go on, always wondering if I'm actually the best person to do it.

Speaking on Mornings on Fox 11

The point of this post is really just that everyone has insecurities and fears, and that's okay.  That mom who looks like she can do it all and has it all together?  She's probably just as nervous and crazy as you are.  You will never be the best.  There is always someone better, stronger, prettier, etc...who cares?  You be YOU and rock at it.  Conquer your fears.  Try something new.  Say yes to something that scares you.  Be willing to learn.  Don't be afraid to fail. 

I promise you-I do not have it all together.  And while I might look nice and calm in the pictures above, there were most certainly a million thoughts and fears and doubts running through my head.  But you know what?  The more things I try, the easier it gets to push those fears away.  So start saying YES.  You might surprise yourself :) 

I'm Sorry...and Thanks, Dad

There are some things in life that you just can't truly and fully appreciate until you've lived it yourself.  Like parenting.  Let me tell you, I had the BEST advice for parents before I had my own kids.  Like, some really deep, reasonable ideas that would've made everyone a better parent or every kid listen better.  For whatever reason, people who were ACTUALLY parents didn't seem to care or even want to listen to my fabulous parenting advice.  I thought they were ridiculous.  

And then I had kids.  Four of them in six years, to be exact.  And very quickly I realized how idiotic my thoughts and ideas and "solutions" all were.  I mean, they SOUNDED nice, but in reality, many of them were super impractical.  

Moving on...This father's day, I called and wished my dad a Happy Father's Day, and was sure to say "thank you" for all the sacrifices he made for me, especially as a high school soccer player.  Especially because I was a total bratty high schooler towards him half the time, and now that I have kids playing sports, I'm starting to realize just how much he did for me.  

And so, here's my whole "I'm sorry" and "thank you" list, dad, which I can only now write because I'm actually a mom with littles in sports and I actually get it all now...

Thank you for all the Friday's off you took from work to take me to tournaments.  Were those vacation days you used?  You must've really loved me to have used them to drive me near and far while I listened to Smash Mouth's All Star on repeat.  For miles at a time. With the windows down.  #bestmemories 

I'm sorry for the time I blamed you for booking my return flight for the wrong day.  Pretty sure I'm the one who clicked that button.   I was a teenager who was far too eager to book my own flight on our super slow dial-up internet and could not be bothered to listen to your advice along the way (because you were "old" and simply could NOT understand what was going on).  Thanks for letting me go on that trip anyway. 

I'm sorry for the times I yelled at you for getting us "lost" on the way to the hotel in another city and state.  I really cannot grasp how difficult it used to be reading maps or using Mapquest in its early days.  Thanks for taking me.  #yayforsiri

Thanks for allowing me to steal your car nearly every day in high school so I could be "cool" and not ride the bus to and from school and to and from soccer practices.  Thanks for that.  It was totally unnecessary, obviously, but so awesome. 

Thank you for all the time you spent watching me compete and for always cheering me on.  Thanks for not being one of those annoyingly obnoxious parents, but a cheer-them-all-on parent.  

I'm sorry I never realized how important your calm attitude was at home.  In a house full of three crazy yelling women, your calmness was annoying then, but appreciated now.  #workingtobecalmmyself

Thanks for being my friend.  Even when I was a dork.  Or rolled my eyes.  Or said that I hated you.  Or told you I thought you were the worst because you actually had rules (say what?!?!).  But always and forever my friend.  Thanks for being there, and supporting me, and forgiving my childish behaviors.  

I get it now, dad.  I get how fun it is to watch your kids compete.  I get how the sacrifice of time and money to watch your kids grow is totally worth it, even when they're unappreciative.  But my kids don't get it.  And they probably won't until they have kids and experience this all themselves.  

For now, that's it (love you, dad!).  Excuse me now while I go talk to the child who is currently "oh my gosh, mom"-ing me while she rolls her eyes at me because I said it's not snack time yet.  Because as we all know...that's means it's the end of the world.  

Life Lately...

We've had a few crazy weeks around here, hence the lack of blogging.  Here's a little peek into our life lately:

Little sickies, who then gave me sickies, have been the story of my life lately.  It seems like we've finally turned a corner, though, so there's that.  Since I'm the sole owner and teacher of a Kindermusik program, getting sick proved to be a whole lot of work as I had to last-minute cancel classes.  I REALLY need to hire someone, which has become more evident as I've been growing.  Sigh.  Good problem to have, I suppose! 

We're in the middle of buying our house.  After 4 years of renting here, we've been given the opportunity to purchase the house.  We jumped right on it!  The housing market here in Reno is insane, and houses are typically very expensive and hard to buy.  This has been a HUGE blessing for our family.  We close in about 1 week, and holding out on ripping off the wallpaper is taking some serious self control on my part.  

Homeschooling is ever-evolving, and I'm loving it.  The kids are working through and adapting to some new curriculums.  The girls just finished a 6 week theater/acting session, and although one of them said she hated it, from watching them, they both had a ton of fun and learned some self-confidence in the process.  Definitely something I'd sign them up for again.  

The girls start their third semester of choir today, which is always so much fun, but work for me as I organize the choir (totally worth it though).  They are both continuing on with gymnastics.  Ellie has moved onto the advanced gymnastics class and is determined that she wants to compete some day.  Aaron currently takes karate about 4 times a week at a studio that is conveniently down the street from our house.  He just had his first belt test and he was SO proud of himself (and oh, so cute!).  The girls continue to take piano lessons, though we've cut back to every other week in an effort to save some time from our schedule and some money as we purchase the house.  We're hoping swim lessons will work their way into our schedule and budget soon.  Our kids do not know how to swim (yikes!), and I'd really like to spend more time by the water this summer.  We've had field trips, park trips with friends, and recently had a fun Valentine's party at our house with homeschool friends.  

(To those of you who say homeschoolers aren't "socialized," I beg you to look at the active schedules of homeschoolers.  Instead of sitting at a desk with the same group of like-aged kids for 7 hours a day, they are out and about, engaging in a variety of activities with a variety of people of all ages.  I beg to differ, that it is homeschoolers who gain more "social" experiences!)

Anyway, life is fun and full and a little crazy lately with the sicknesses going around, buying the house, and my business growing a TON since the new year.  I'm hoping to start waking up early again now that everyone is healthy and sleeping, which means I can blog regularly again.  Yay!  On to tackle the day!  

Figuring Out This Whole Blog Thing Again

When I started this blog in 2011, I was a totally different person.  I was a coupon-clipping, money saving, deal scoring, young mom.  I had recently quit my job to stay home with my two daughters, and in doing so, I became quite frugal gal.  It was necessity.  If we didn't cut a ton of expenses, I couldn't be home with them.  And my heart was to be home with them.  So I made it work.

I began blogging thinking that I would post deals and coupon match ups and what not, but I quickly realized that the blogging world was full of people who did that very well, and quite frankly, it was exhausting typing it all up.  I started to post crafty things we did around the house.

At some point I returned to teaching for a bit.  My posts began to include resources I created for teaching.  I continued to post tidbits about budgeting, how to save money, and creating financial plans for the holidays.

I fell in love for the first time with making my own food from scratch, and soon thereafter, I think I became a DIY food from scratch blogger.  I made everything from marshmallows to yogurt and blogged my way through it.

Then I became a homeschooler, so naturally, my posts reflected my new-found life.  Homeschooling ideas, crafts, projects, and more started popping up on my blog.  My husband and I also discovered a love for wood-working and building our own furniture.

And then I'm pretty sure I just got insanely busy after starting my own Kindermusik music & movement business, and I dropped off planet "blog" altogether.

As you can see, I'm a totally different person, with my blog reflecting all these little changes along the way.  I haven't been blogging lately.  I've been busy, yes, but I think mostly I felt uninspired.  I've realized lately that perhaps it's not that I'm uninspired (we should always be inspired by SOMETHING, right?), but more so that I was not inspired to blog about the things that I used to, or to write in the way I used to.  Perhaps I just needed to remind myself that my interests are always changing, and it's okay to let my blog do the same.

And so I'm here, confessing that I WANT to blog, but I'm still figuring out what that looks like for me right now.  I'm a 29 year old woman, married for almost 11 years.  I have four children ages 8 & under.  I run a music business and teach classes to young children several hours each week.  I'm a Jesus lover.  A great-tv shows watcher.  A choir organizer.  A teacher to my children.  A housekeeper.  A shuttle driver.  A household accountant.  A builder.  A painter.  A chef.  And...hopefully again...a blogger.

Catching Up

Oy!  Time has been flying lately, and I've been on my toes keeping up on everything...except apparently my blog.  So, here's the last few weeks in a nutshell....

I enjoy being busy.  Not too busy.  Not stressed busy.  But an I have things to do and am not bored type of busy.  This week, however, will lean towards the former stressed type.  Although I'm a stay at home parent, I do run a (small for now) Kindermusik program, and all the kids stuff at a local music store (camps, birthday parties, etc.).  

This week, I am running a spring break camp, which means I'm working full time.  My girls get to come with me, which is a huge blessing.  But balancing lunches for everyone, getting the boys to grandmas early in the morning, trying to figure out who in the world will watch the boys on Thursday and Friday, having dinner on the table, keeping up with the admin stuff of my Kindermusik business, and being a one car family is simply crazy.  Crazy, I tell you.  And although it's fun, I'm always happy when camp weeks are over.

Changing subjects...I got my first tattoo last week.  For reals.  The more times I see it in the mirror, the more I love it.  One of my old youth group leaders from when I was a kid did my tattoo for me, which was extra special (thanks, Moses!).  I'm extremely surprised that I beat Ben to the punch on getting the first tattoo.  

Homeschooling is going well, and continues to be an amazing adventure.  The more I let my children take the lead on what we're learning and set the pace, the more they seem to get excited about learning.  I think homeschooling will inevitably be one of those ever evolving things...just when you think you've figured it out, everything needs to change.  

On the note of homeschooling, I've decided that in 6-7 years, I'd like to take 3 months (or so) to go travel the world with our kids, studying cultures, history, geography, language, etc.  In six years, our kids will be about 8, 10, 12, and 14.  I think these will be great ages for such an extensive and educational trip.  Plus, that gives me A LOT of time to save up for it.  

I've been really good at spending money at the grocery store (and by good I mean "bad").  I feel like it's been such a challenge for me to get back into my rhythm of shopping well and on purpose and freezer cooking.  I really need to focus and get my grocery spending back on track.  Also, I go to Trader Joe's for produce at least twice a week.  My kids eat SO MUCH FOOD.  I really never expected this amount of food consumption from my children.  It's crazy.  Four kids can eat a lot of food.  

I'm sure there's more, but that's a little snippet of life the past few weeks.  Happy belated Easter!

A Fear of Bleach...For Realz

Hi, my name is Jessica, and I'm afraid of bleach.  

Okay, that's not entirely true.  I'm afraid to bleach clothing.  Or sheets.  Or anything else that's not a sink.  Sinks are fine.  Me, the sink, and bleach are all good.  Is that rational?  Is that even a thing?  Bleachphobia?  Or perhaps bleachaphobia?  I don't know.  But I have it.

I fully realize that this is completely absurd.  Completely.  I've been married for 9 years, have 4 children, and have yet to put bleach in my washing machine.  It's come really close.  Really close.  

I can remember a couple years ago calling my mom and asking her how to bleach clothes.  I'm certain we talked for a good 15 minutes.  I clarified all my questions and built up some courage.  After I hung up the phone, I put all the whites into the washing machine, got out the bleach, and then...added a double portion of regular laundry soap and called it good.  

I've been building up the courage to do it ever since.  In fact, I have a spot in my bedroom cluttered with white clothing that my family most definitely cannot wear due to their current state of not-whiteness.  It's my "white stuff that needs to some year get bleached so my family can wear it" laundry pile.  I've been known to just throw white clothing away when it gets too bad.  

I don't know if I've ever had a true fear before.  Other than the typical monsters under the bed and checking each bed sheet for spiders every night (doesn't everyone do that?).  But clearly, I'm afraid of bleach.

Someday I'll use it in my washing machine.  Someday.  Until then, though, does anyone want to take home my whites pile and bleach them for me?  :)

Why I Can Finally Buy Christmas Stockings

Last week, I gave birth to our fourth and final baby.  Four kids in six years.  I'm 27 years old and done having babies.  And by "done" I mean "I don't ever want to be pregnant again."  I loved being pregnant and having babies, but I found that my grace for that season of life dissipated very quickly as my little Levi entered the world last week.

And although I feel so "done," I really feel happy.  We've always wanted four children.  I've always had this feeling in the back of my mind that my family was not quite complete.  I was obviously thankful for my children and definitely enjoyed life with each of them (life with our three was actually quite easy-going and fun), but it just felt like someone was missing.  

It may seem totally silly, but I've never bought or made Christmas stockings.  I didn't want to have "different" ones when the final members were added.  After waiting almost 9 years, I'm getting stockings this year, and I'm so excited about it.  I don't even know what I want them to look like, but they will be awesome.  

All six of them.  

Hanging over my fireplace.  

With each person's name.

They will be complete.  

No one missing.

And my heart is happy and full and thankful and so in love with my husband and children.

Paint, Calf Muscles, and a Super Hot Husband

Look at those calf muscles...See?
(Ben at the Zoo with our son Aaron)

I love my husband.  He is truly awesome and amazing and has some oh-so-very-hot-calf muscles (see above photo reference).  We've been married nearly 9 years, which seems like a lot.  We have (almost) 4 kids, which definitely is a lot.  

And somehow, after all these years, one of the hottest things he does is play with the kids.  I came home the other day and he had let the kids paint rocks and sticks at the kitchen table.  MY HUSBAND ALLOWED THE KIDS TO PAINT ROCKS INSIDE.  Yes.  That is deserving of all capitalized, shouting text.  My husband loves clean.  Hates dirty.  Loves crayons.  Hates paint.  Likes outdoor stuff...outside.  And hates outside "treasures" being brought inside.  

And yet the kids had painted outside stuff, inside at the kitchen table.  And they were happy.  And he was calm.   

Let me tell you, this kind of thing is one of the hottest things that my husband does.  I mean, there are certainly other things that I love about him, lots of other things, but allowing the kids to paint at the table most definitely took the cake that day.  

It seems so small and trivial.  Paint.  But it is really so much bigger and more meaningful than just paint.  It reminds me that I married a kind, caring, and sweet man.  A man who loves our kids with his whole heart.  A man who chooses to provide joyful opportunities for our children even though the messes may damage the just-cleaned kitchen.  A man who chooses life and fulness and joy for our children.  

I certainly married the right man.   

The Library and Homemade Almond Butter

Today is Thursday, which means we visit the library.  We have a million books to return this morning, and I know for a fact one is missing.  Which leads me to the question...why haven't I set a book-borrowing limit for my kids yet?  "Go grab two level 3 books, Ellie" often ends in a pile of seven or eight books.  She's such a little book worm, and on average, reads about 5 books (or chapters) on her own each day (and she's only 5!).

On our way to the library, we pass our local WINCO.  WINCO has an amazing bulk section!  I buy our spices solely from the bulk bins (see how much money this saves our family HERE, and find what I buy in bulk HERE).  We also buy things like flours, sugars, nuts, beans, and more from the bulk bins.  Such huge savings can be found when you buy from bulk bins (if you don't live near a WINCO, I highly suggest looking around for a store with bulk bins in your area...you will truly find great savings).  I don't need much today, but I am planning on buying some almonds from the bulks to make almond butter.

I have never really enjoyed the taste of almond butter.  I had tried several different varieties when I was teaching as I had a peanut allergy student in the class and so peanut butter was not allowed.  I had resigned to never buying it again.  However, one day when I had extra almonds at home, I gave homemade almond butter a shot.  And guess what I found?  It was AMAZING!  Like, really amazing! I made fresh homemade bagels every morning for an entire week and topped them with the almond butter and a friends' homemade apricot jam.  I told my husband that if I could have one breakfast for the rest of my life, that would be it!  Side note...Hillary...can I buy some of your apricot jam this year?  Pretty please???

And so, on today's agenda is homemade almond butter!  Mmmm.  I can't wait!

And then tonight is our church night.  Yes, we have our main church gathering on Thursday nights.  And yes, I know that's not normal.  That's why I love it.  I'm making lentil tacos for dinner for everyone tonight (we eat dinner together every week).

And, the weather is supposed to be nice today.  Finally!  Enjoy your Thursday!

Monday's Events

This morning I took the kids to CVS to buy some tomato plants.  They were inexpensive and HUGE.  So odd to find them at CVS.  I used $5 Extra Bucks from last week, and paid only $1.98 for a huge Roma tomato plant, and a 6 pack of cherry tomato plants.  I brought them home, re-potted them in fresh soil and bigger pots, and gave them a good drink of water.  I, for the life of me, cannot grow tomatoes from a seed.  I try and fail every year.  Different methods, same result.  And so, I always end up buying them.

I have all the ingredients for Crock Pot Taco Soup sitting in hot water in my sink (remember-I cook my own beans and freeze them...makes meals like this super easy!)

The kids are sitting on the kitchen floor "cooking" (every pot and pan and lid is out, plus all the pinto beans from the sensory tub).  They are loving it, and I'm avoiding that area ;)

Ben may have a buyer for his car.  This is super exciting...we really need it to go.  We'll be a one car family again (we've done this before) as I'm a stay at home mom now and he works only 5 minutes from home.  It's silly to have 2 cars (and my car is a Pilot with a 3rd row...perfect for our growing family).  The money from the car will go to pay bills for baby #4, and we'll also save money monthly on gas, insurance, and maintenance.  Yay!

I've been re-arranging our bedrooms getting ready for the new baby.  I'm on the hunt for a twin mattress for Aaron so he can transition out of his crib.  Anyone in the Reno area trying to get rid of one?

Mother's Day was beautiful and relaxing and so much fun.  It also marked 1 year since Ben's knee injury.  Crazy to think it's been a year since that horrible event, but so glad to be past it.

Happy Monday everyone!

Cozy Clothes and a Balanced Day

It's 9:00 on a Friday morning, and I am wearing cozy comfy clothes.  For real.  Those of you who know me know that I am a jeans-until-bed kinda girl.  I just like being "dressed".  However, this morning I slipped into some cozy yoga pants, a tank top, and a long sleeved over shirt that I got for free from the Bucket of Blood Saloon in Virginia City when we were there this summer for my dad's company party.    And now I'm sitting, not cleaning, listening to my girls dance to a song on Camp Rock 2 in the other room, and blogging.  I'm deciding which of my house projects I'd like to tackle first today, and admiring Zoe's mismatched socks that she put on by herself.

I am trying to create balance for my days at home.  A balance between sitting and enjoying my children, and taking care of "business" around the house.  It's hard.  I'd like to say that I will figure it out someday, but I have a feeling that this will be something I'll be challenged at throughout my life as a parent.

And now, excuse me while I go and drink another chai, cold this time, while I aim to fill a bag full of stuff to get rid of.  Wish me luck.

A Collision of Craziness and A Decision of Hope

We've hit a really interesting spot in life.  It seems as though every major occurrence, either planned or unplanned, all collided neatly into a 2 month span of life.  Given every opportunity to fall into discouragement, frustration, anger, and bitterness, we are choosing instead to have hope, faith, and our trust in Jesus.  It hasn't been easy.  It's been really hard.

In late April we left our church to start a new church.  The process did not look like we thought it would.   Many deviations in the plan were frustrating, disappointing, and heart-breaking.  God has given us favor, though, and has turned some of those deviations into blessings!  (He's good at that, you know.)

In the second week of May, ahem, on Mother's Day, Ben was playing in a soccer game when he sustained a very serious knee injury.  Imagine hearing that the specialist caring for your husband is concerned that an amputation may be necessary.  Okay, now stop crying.  Yeah.  He's not allowed to play sports.  Ever.  Coaching seems like a fun job, right?

Our current lease on our house was up at the end of June.  The rental housing market here is insane-o.  Expensive and not much out there.  About 10 days before we needed to be out and gone from our house, we found another and were on our way toward South Reno, our desired location (not so much exactly where we are, but it's a step).  Friends came to help us move since Ben was still not moving around.

Mid June Ben had surgery, where he again heard about how "lucky" he was to be keeping his leg.  The 4 hour surgery took 2.5, but he was in lots of pain and had to stay the night.  He was home the next day enjoying "conversations" with "people" quite regularly due to the crazy pills he was taking.

Early September Ben finally got off crutches.

The entire surgery cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000.  Yes, those zeros are all really there.  Ben was two months shy of insurance at his new job.  We got the price much, much, lower than that, but regardless, we didn't, and don't, have that kind of money.  Ever maxed out a credit card before?  Well we've just joined that club.  Fun.

I believe with my whole heart that we serve a good, loving, faithful God.  He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5), he has GOOD plans for us (Jer. 29:11), he always cares about us (1 Peter 5:7), and he is ALWAYS faithful (Deut. 32:4).  I believe that he will supply all our needs (Phil. 4:19), including our finances.

So, what's my "job" in all this?  My job is to rely on Jesus.  My job is not to "make it all work".  My job is to be faithful and deliberate with the finances that we do have.  My job is to encourage my husband and forgive him (because I did, in all honesty, find that I was a little bitter that he played soccer on Mother's Day, and that's when his injury happened-you know, that "if only he had stayed with me" ridiculousness).  My job is to love the people that I see each and every day, and continue to love the people that God brings into our church.  My job is to love my children and to physically, verbally, and emotionally show them what it really means to trust Jesus despite our circumstances seeming glum.  I want them to know, REALLY know what it means to depend on God.

I am choosing hope today.  What areas of life do you need to stick a little "hope" into today?  God is faithful.  Choose to hope in Him!

Re-Cap of this week

It's been one of those weeks.  I think last week and the week before were one of those weeks too.  Okay, so it's been one of those months.  It's been busy, full of friends and family, a big move, and lots of "stuff".  Don't worry.  I'm a first born extrovert and I love all the busyness.  It just means that I haven't been making it over here to my little blog too much recently. 

Today is Ben's birthday.  We had a little get together with family and a few friends this past weekend.  I made a delicious Chocolate Peanut Butter cake.  I followed the recipes HERE at Pass The Sushi.  The 7 1/2 sticks of butter surely added to it's fantastic flavor!

This is the inside of the cake.  Chocolate cake, peanut butter filling, chocolate frosting, and a dark chocolate glaze-ish thing on the outside.  Yum!

This kid couldn't get enough of it.

I forgot to take a "finished" picture, but I did have this one from when I first put it in the fridge to set.

We bought some no-dry clay from the Dollar Store and the kids played with it yesterday afternoon.  There were a ton of colors and it was decent quality!  I was shocked.  The kids had fun making shapes and then I even let them take pictures afterwards, which they enjoyed.

Today I tried my hand at Homemade Lofthouse Cookies.  I sadly forgot to take pictures before I brought them to Ben's work ;(  I also brought him dipped oreos and muddy buddies!  I also stopped to bring him a coffee frapuccino with coconut syrup from Starbucks.  I scored a free chai latte for myself as the barista was apparently practicing and had extras to give away.  Yay for me!

This morning we went to the girls' preschool to watch the firefighters do their thing.  They come, talk about fire safety, dress up in their outfits (enter scared children here), turn on the lights, let the kids crawl through the engine, and then turn on their sirens while driving away.  These guys are always amazing with the kids!  Zoe didn't leave my leg, and Ellie watched but was hesitant to go through the truck on her own.  No surprise there.  

Ellie is the one in the orange shirt in the front row above.  

What kind of fun have you been up to this last week?  Any fun new baking adventures?

Valentine's Fail

People who read my blog often tell me things along the lines of "I don't know how you do it all" or "you're amazing".  While I completely appreciate the compliments (thank you, by the way), I feel like the blogging world leaves the reader with only a "partial" view of me as a person, wife, mom, teacher, etc. and sets a precedent that we all need to "have it together".  I can assure you, I don't "have it all together".  I'm hoping that by sharing my Valentine's fail story, you will see that I am just an average mom.  I make dumb choices, don't always think things through, make mistakes, say things I shouldn't, have kids that sometimes run wild with disobedience, eat too much sugar, drink too many homemade lattes, and don't exercise enough.  I'm your every-day mom.  Truly.  What you see on my blog just so happens to be a lot of the good and fun stuff ;)  Here is my Valentine's story:

Valentine's is my absolute favorite holiday (well, I suppose I like Christmas a bit more).  This year, I had 3 classes of kids to prepare Valentine's for: my Kindergarten class, Ellie's preschool class, and Zoe's preschool class.  I cut out foam hearts several days ahead of time and wrote "Happy Valentine's Day" on each one.  I felt ahead of the game.  I planned to make homemade marshmallows (colored pink) and cut them out with a mini heart cookie cutter.  This plan sounded easy and fun as homemade marshmallows are super easy (and I've made a gazillion batches before).  I made my marshmallows, as usual.  I poured them into a thin layer on the cookie sheet and let them set.  They never set.  They tasted just fine, but they were gooey.  This was the night before Valentine's day.  I have never, not once, ruined a batch of marshmallows until now.  I was irritated.

It was at this point that I decided I was tired of marshmallows and would prefer to do something different for our Valentine's.  It was also at this point that my husband should have said something along the lines of "are you nuts?".  But he didn't.  And I moved on.  To homemade candy hearts.  Did you know candy hearts require 24 hours to air dry?  I did.  I've done them before.   I didn't care.  So I made candy hearts.  Candy hearts are mostly powdered sugar.  By the way, did you know that the powdered sugar bulk bin at Winco is under the mini M&M dispenser bulk bin?  Yep.  M&M's were in my candy heart dough.  At this point, I declared "this sucks, I should give up", to which Ben replied, "yeah, you probably should".  It was also at this point that I kept going, wasting more and more ingredients to get my dough perfect.  I cut out a whole bunch of candy hearts and placed them on a tray to air dry.  Oh, did I mention that they still would need to be written on, bagged, and tagged before I left for work at 8:30 the next morning.  Hmmm.  I didn't think that one through.  Next is where Ben chimed in with "wouldn't it have been easier to have gone to the Dollar Store and bought a couple bags of candy?"  Why, yes, babe.  That would have been much easier.

This is where I said "change of plans!" (again).  Heart stickers were quickly cut up and attached to the heart Valentine's with a paper clip.  My food markers were packed up and I had decided to let my kindergarteners write on their own candy hearts the next day.  I've decided not to add up the total monetary cost of the wasted ingredients...it would only make me angry. 

Guess what?  Kids love stickers.  They wouldn't have cared that I made "homemade" marshmallows.  They didn't even think homemade candy hearts were cool. 

Next year, I'm hitting up the Dollar Store.

As an additional note, I spent Valentine's evening at a child abuse & neglect class.  Romantic. 

As an extra additional note, my husband surprised me with a brand new iPhone 4s.  I can now be cool as I talk to my phone and tell it to text my husband that "he's hot".

My Humor for the Day

Today I hung up a "growth chart" for my Kindergarteners.  I am going to measure & mark their heights now and then at the end of the school year.  The growth chart consisted of 3 posters.  I stapled each poster up on the wall, one above the other until they were attached and on the wall evenly.  Then I noticed that it said I was 5 foot 6 inches.  That most definitely is not my height.  I'm a mere 5'3".  I re-checked the posters, smoothing them over with my hands.  Stepping back for a better look, the posters still seemed even.  Then, stepping closer I begin to count the inch numbers-1, 2, 3,....55, 56, 57...  Hmmm. 

By this time, I have literally been trying to figure out what was wrong with this growth chart for 5 MINUTES!  No joke.  Then I had this realization..... 


I was wearing heals. 


Ha.  This is my life. 


This greatness was also overheard today:  The kids were riding bikes and playing "restaurant".  One child would sit inside the playhouse window and "serve" the "cars" (bikes) that were coming by.  "Can I have a cheeseburger?" "Can I have a soda?" etc.  You know, typical drive-through requests.  Finally, a boy comes by and asks "Where is your restroom?"  Haha.  I couldn't stop laughing.  Kids are so great.