Monday, October 3, 2016

How to Go on a Run with Four Children in 29 Easy Steps

A couple weeks ago, Ben was gone performing a couple wedding ceremonies (he officiates weddings occasionally).  I have been really dedicated this past month or two and have been working out almost daily.  So, since it was Saturday and the gym childcare was closed, I decided to take the kids on a run.  This accomplishes two things- 1) I get a run, and 2) the kids exert some energy on their bikes/scooters/etc.  The only thing, though, is that taking four kids on a run like this requires an enormous amount of effort for very little run time.  And usually, my heart rate is up more due to the stress of my kids than from the actual run itself.  I had published this on my personal Facebook page that day, but after today's run WITH daddy (which I though would be easier) proved to be just as incredibly frustrating and difficult as my last run with the kids, I figured I'd publish it here as my tips to you.  You know, just so you're prepared for what's to come the next time you step out the door to go on a "run."  

How to go on a run with 4 children in 29 easy steps:
1. Announce your intentions.
2. Listen to four individual declarations of bikes/scooters/I'm-not-riding-in-the-jogging-strollers.
3. Go to the garage.  
4. Send three kids back into the garage for inappropriate clothing or shoes.
5. Listen to two kids complain they can only find one shoe.
6. Clean out your van to find no less than 20 individual shoes. And still no match to the proper shoes.
7. Concede to let children wear flip flops.
8. Grab the bike pump to fill flat tires on #2's bike.
9. Realize the bike pump cord has been severed. Suggest a scooter to child #2.
10. Listen to moaning, groaning, and bargaining for the flat-tired bike and why it will work.
11. Focus your attention on the 2 year old who thinks he's riding his tricycle. Comment on his cuteness.
12. Try to find the words to kindly explain to said 2 year old that him on a tricycle means you don't get to actually run. Because he's 2. And slow.
13. Argue with a 2 year old for a few more minutes about the bike. Let him win.
14. Start the run, empty jogging stroller in hand.
15. Take 20 steps and realize that a child forgot their helmet. Send child back to retrieve it.
16. Pretend to run while you could really be walking, all the while pushing an empty two-person jogging stroller because you know the 2 year old will quit any minute.
17. 2 year old quits. Stop running. Find a way to fit the tricycle into the stroller.
18. Convince 2 year old to buckle up.
19. Run.
20. Yell at the 5 year old who keeps darting off the side walk and into the street.
21. Stop so your two daughters can switch bikes/scooters.
22. Run.
23. Stop when two daughters collide and both eat it on the pavement.
24. Run.
25. Stop when daughter #2 eats it on the pavement again.
26. Give up and walk the rest of the way.
27. Let 2 year old ride his tricycle the final stretch home.
28. Listen to him cry about how it's not a long enough ride.
29. Breathe a sigh of relief and vow to never take them out on a run again....Until you decide to try it again.  Because moms are crazy. 

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